Mr Speaker


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Kentucky Fried Chicken Feet

the presented feen

Imagine, just imagine, you discovered the most awesomely best thing in the known universe. And then, on that very same day, in that very same shop, you discovered the equally most awesome thing in the known universe. And THEN, imagine realising that if you combined those two most best things together, that the blinding goodness of mixed elements would multiply together to create a result of such intense and astonishing goodness as to render all other things in the known universe to be pretty crappy in comparison.

Well, I did that.

Discovery One. CLAW OF PHOENIX

Chicken Feen attractively back-litDiscovery one was sitting right there in a pile of other random not-meat products, trying its best not to look as ludicrous as it obviously is. "Vegetarian Chicken Feen" it pronounced in large capital letters. A pack of liquid suspended, intricately detailed, gelatinous chicken feet were contained within. Although I needed no further reason to purchase the "feen", I also noted that this not-product was made of "konjac powder". I didn't know what that was, but it surely wasn't TVP or gluten - which could only be a good thing.

I grabbed by precious bag of "CLAW OF PHOENIX - Have no the cholesterol, Low calories, High fibre quality!" and rushed toward the checkout. But little did I know that before I would purchase my feen, a small box of flour from Indonesia would change my life forever...

Discovery Two: Kroger's Kentucky Seasoned Flour

Krogers Kentucky FlourBest Food AwardI don't know if it was that little chef guy, the crispy chicken or the "Special K" inspired logo that was particularly eye-catching, but it was a design ploy by Krogers that worked well. I immediately snatched up the box: Kroger® Kentucky All Purpose Seasoned Flour. It must take a brave company to blatantly violate so many copyrights, yet still bother registering their name as a trademark. And they didn't cite their sources for their claims of winning the "Best Award Food". Neither of those issues bothered me much, as it had just dawned on me the relationship of the two products I was now clutching in my hands....

Discovery Three: Discoveries One and Two.

Raw FeenThe process only took a second. Fake chicken feet + Fake Kentucky Fried Chicken Seasoning = Something that I couldn't possibly comprehend from such a close distance. It was obvious and dazzling. It was tantalising and scary. I needed a lie down.

After a nap, I looked up the feen's main ingredient, Konjac powder. Konjac turns out to be a kind of yam. I've had it a lot in the form of konyaku from Japan. I opened the package and removed the feen. They are a sickening texture - all squishy and gristly.

Following the instructions on the side of Kroger's Kentucky, I de-yolked a couple of eggs and whipped up the whites.

Next the chicken feen where dipped in the egg whites, and covered generously (yet evenly) in Kroger's Kentucky Flour.

A plentiful amount of cooking oil was then heated to a point where it made that nice crackly-bubbly noise when you put stuff in it.

The tender chicken feen pieces were plunged into the scolding oil and rotated regularly until they turned a delightful golden-brown and looked pretty KFC-y.

A sprig of parsley was added as garnish for the photographs, then tossed away before the great eating of the feen.

Summary

Although unfair to judge KFC feen with the same yardstick as other fake meat products, due to its deep fried, super-alloy nature, I'll do it anyway.

Taste : -9- The Kroger Kentucky All Purpose Seasoned Flour gives a stirling effort at replicating the eleven herbs and spices of its namesake. Together with the strange super-absorbent konjac-based chicken feet make a startling and delicious combination.

Texture : -10- Cruchy on the outside, tender on the inside. The glutinous konjac feet give you something to get your teeth into, and the deep fried faux chicken skin really tops it off nicely.

Similarity to the original : -9- This is judged on the similarity to Kentucky Fried Chicken, and not on the similarity to chicken feet. I imagine it would taste nothing like chicken feet, unless chicken feet taste like chicken.

Overall

Kentucky Fried Chicken Feet get 9.5/10 on the TVP-o-meter - gaining extra marks because I invented it, but losing half a point because they splashed oil on my new hoodie, rendering it unwearable.


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7 Comments

  1. I am drooling with anticipation at the very prospect of attempting this myself at home.

    What I would really like to see though, is a demonstration of the preparation techniques, then just before it being fried, someone saying “here’s one I prepared earlier” and then being able to immediately take a bite. That’s what I’d like to see.

    Good post, keep droppin’ the science with defiance.

    Monday, July 11, 2005 at 10:47 am | Permalink
  2. Dearest faux meat lover
    your article was so interesting i just had to go to my larder and prepare some fake chicken feen myself but alas all i had was the real stuff, booo.
    I shall endevour to perchase said feen on my next shopping trip, can’t wait.
    Fink
    PS how about a big’fake’ burger?

    Tuesday, July 19, 2005 at 10:07 pm | Permalink
  3. I once accidentally ate chicken feet at Yum Cha. The little round bone bits are truly gross. But I’d try this, 9.5 is pretty impressive and anything battered is dope. In fact that gives me an idea: getting the kentucky fried crumbs and battering those vegetarian “fish” fillets in the deep-freeze section of the dupermarket, I think they’re by Sanitarium. Vegetarian fish ‘n’ chips, man you’ve made my day, why didn’t I think of this before!

    You’re on a bit of a roll with these blog posts. I thought the calculator one was good, but this beats it feen down.

    Thursday, July 21, 2005 at 12:40 pm | Permalink
  4. It’s a frightening prospect, but with a few of the right spices, and of course the main ingrediants i could see it being my monday night staple. On a separate note, the sentence about the grease and your hoodie just about gave me a heart attack, in a colvulsive laughin g type of way.

    Tuesday, March 21, 2006 at 5:11 am | Permalink
  5. Just use Pine-Sol it will get the oil out of your hoodie.

    Friday, December 4, 2009 at 2:17 am | Permalink
  6. When I saw the link to this I thought I just had to see what it was about – the image was a bit of a hint that it might not be real feen. And I’ve sent a copy to a friend who does the catering for a club I’m a member of.

    I’ve dared her to try it on our members. ;)

    Wednesday, January 27, 2010 at 9:11 pm | Permalink
  7. hi, iam from Indonesia. the kroger kentucky seasoned flour is one of my favourite too..i use to make “kentucky fried chicken wing” with kroger seasoned flour and it taste good…but that chicken feet kentucky stle its weird..we eat chicken feet but not that way, sometimes we compresed cooking(so all the bones soft) with herb and spices, and after that fried until crisp, and we eat like a cracker. and to be honest..its taste really good. and if u dont wanna make it yourself, big company already make legitimate chicken feet snack in supermarkets. i send u some if u want give a try..

    Monday, May 17, 2010 at 2:00 pm | Permalink
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